Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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