Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
