Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
