Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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