her vagine was all disorganized.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
