Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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