Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
