And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
