my soul wont recognize me after tonight
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
How does one acquire holy water?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
