My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
