Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
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