giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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