Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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