At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
