Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
