omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Moan for me like Helen Keller
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize