Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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