Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
