I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
