not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
