Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
