when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
