Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Found your dick twin last night
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
