you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
