I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
