You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
