I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize