why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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