just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
