I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
