she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
