Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
