We named our party play list daddy issues
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
