Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
