You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
