Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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