mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
