I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
