Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
