So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
