I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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