In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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