and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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