we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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