My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
