oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
