I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
