Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
