i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
