I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
