is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
