There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
