Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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