So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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