theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Randomize
