My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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