we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
