Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
What drink are we having for lunch?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize