i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm passing your future prison.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
