Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
