I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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