"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
