I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
