im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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