So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
