Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
