You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
