OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
