College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
