it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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